Lies My Professor Told Me
by Tattoodragon
Summary: The thoughts we think before the end.  Warnings: Character death, issues surrounding death.  Spoilers for those that have not yet finished DH!    Reviews please!


A/N: (this note contains spoilers for those of you that have not read or seen the last HP book/movie)

I wrote this piece only a few hours after the midnight showing of HP 7 part two. I consider myself to be in the Slytherin House. And not just because I like Professor Snape/Alan Rickman, but because when I sorted myself, that was the house that best fit me. I've always respected Severus Snape, my loyalty was always to him, even in times of doubt. Thus I struggled to deal with his premature death. So I did what was only naturally. I wrote. What lies below this note was my attempt to process the events from the movie. This came out in POV's from Harry, followed by Snape. So I guess if there are any warnings it would be character death and issues involving death.

This peice has no beta-although my always beta ConstantCommentTea read it gave positive remarks...so thank you!

Please read and review!

As always, I am no near the awesome that is JKR.

**Lies My Professor Told Me**

It wasn't until after the battle was over, when Voldermort was finally dead, and he took more lives with him then necessary that I started to reflect. I was safe to explore my mind without the penetration of The Dark Lord. My thoughts settled on a violent death. Severus Snape. Loyal Slytherin, former Death Eater, potions professor, murderer, head master. All these years I assumed Snape's alliance was to Voldermort only. Now I realize it was to me. Snape fooled me into becoming his enemy. I thought he hated me because I was in Gryffindor, but now I know Snape didn't hate me. He hated what happened to me, and to my mother. He hated himself for not protecting Lilly, my mother, the woman he loved. What it must have been like for him to look into my eyes, to see someone from the past instead. To know that my scar was etched by a man he once respected; a wizard he put his faith in. How much torture that must have put on Snape's damaged soul. And for years I severely underestimated the man that was underneath the layered robes. Snape couldn't tell me how he truly felt. And I'm sure he had his reasons, including his pretend loyalty to Voldermort. If his devotion were ever questioned, our fight would have been obliterated. But why couldn't he treat me with humanity? Maybe it was because if he showed me humanity, or even touched me he would see my mother. I would tear open shredded wounds with my Lilly eyes. But Snape did show me everything. Everything I never suspected, through his last tears, tears I only saw once, through the true Snape I witnessed in the last glimmer of his complicated life. I never imagined that I would be holding Severus Snape in my arms, covering his gushing wounds with my hand; doing what I could to prolong the little life he had left. He asked me to look into his eyes, eyes I had distrusted for years, were now softening as his hardened stare crumbled before me. "You have her eyes," Serverus whispered. And I realized in that moment that by keeping his distance Snape was showing his love. A love that was never meant for me.

~Harry Potter~

**Lies I Told My Student **

He was a baby when I first saw him. But I wasn't concerned with the screaming child. My arms were filled with a limp woman once full of life and love. A love I could never receive or give. Lilly gave her love to James because I wasn't able to give enough of myself to another. Yet, I managed to fully give myself over to the one that stole more from me than I could take back. Perhaps it was because we were never expected to give love over to the Dark Lord. All he needed from us was our loyalty, chained by fear. I had already chained myself off from the world. Years later when I saw Potter, a young Gryffindor, my eyes hardened. I saw Lilly behind his glasses. I knew this boy needed protection, but I also needed to protect myself. Showing too much affection to Harry would ruin the illusion of my allegiance to Voldermort, and make me feel more than I could handle. It was easier for me to discipline Harry and push him away then show my true feelings. Yes, there were moments I wanted to hold Potter in my arms and let him know I shared his pain, that I lost Lilly too. Many times I imagined this; that my relationship with Harry was filled with friendship and reflection. Dumbledore played that role better than I ever could. I knew my life was over when Voldermort pieced together my true intentions. I had duped him, a crime worthy of death. Jaws snapped my life away piece by piece, numbing me beyond capability to use my wand. As I slumped to the floor ready to die alone, Harry bent down to me. And I finally let him in. I told him what I had wanted to for years, "you have her eyes." My emotions were released in tears, tears I gave to Harry. My gift to him, my last action of humanity for a boy I tried so hard to hate. And here he was, cradling me, mourning my death. In my last moments of life I realized that Harry was holding me as I had Lilly that night she was killed by the same wizard who ended a life I wish I could change.

~Severus Snape~


End file.
